Wireless Security System

How to install a wireless security system:  
Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men’s used work boots … a really big pair.
Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it … a really big dish.

Leave a note on your front door that says something like this:
"Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition – back in 30 minutes. Don’t disturb the pit bulls, they’ve just been wormed."